i think that might be the root cause of my anxiety actually. within the first few months of the new year, i have really adjusted well (dare i say) to being back home in ottawa. i have made some amazing new friends, fell back into place with my friends from home, and gotten in the swing of a routine of daily life. mid-august, when i touch down in australia, that is all going to change. all my habits and comforts of home are going to be the rug pulled out from under my feet. i am going to know one person on a whole entire continent. i am going to know one person on one side of the world. as someone who needs to be around people, and have connections to stay sane, this is going to be a challenge. being myself, i know that i will meet new people very fast, but who knows how long they will be in my life for? in a setting where plans can change like the breeze blowing off the ocean, who even knows what my plans will be? this is something that i am trying very hard to work on in my personal life. right now, i like things to be planned out, and have some idea of what's going on the next few weeks, where i am going to lay my head that night etc. i am very attached to my friends, and when i meet new people that i connect with, all i want to do is be near them. with people up and going on a daily basis, where your meeting is just a cosmic coincidence, you happen to be at the same hostel for a few days, where you just get there but they are on their way to bangkok the next day, i need to be able to form that connection, but know that i need to let go when it is time to move on. luckily, with social media, a new friend will rarely be more than a skype chat away, but being physically not there with them is something i'm going to have to get used to.
some nights, during my thinking sessions, i wonder to myself if i should just cut my losses and take my savings and head back to the big city to start my career. i find myself missing my creative outlet of copywriting , the culture of advertising , and obviously, all the people that go with it. this was especially hard when i went back to toronto for a visit in march. all of my friends had by that time, gotten jobs in ad agencies, were living downtown and doing what successful 20-somethings are expected to do. and they were having a great time doing it. i missed them. all of our random outings, girls nights, picnics in trinity bellwoods. i pictured myself there with them, biking to work, meeting for lunch breaks at kupfert and kim, going to shows at the horseshoe tavern. i know that if i wanted to, i could go back there in a second. i also know that it would always be something i'd regret, not travelling. as scared as i am, i know this is something i have to do. millions of people travel every year, and are fine. they quit their jobs, sell all of their belongings, and head off to explore this amazing world. i am ready to join them. my career will be waiting for me when i get back, my friends will welcome me home with open arms, and i will be completely changed (hopefully for the better!) i'm seizing the friggin' diem, brushing aside my anxiety and am going to take the plunge!
if you have made it through this entire post, thank you. i appreciate your support. i know this post didn't have any exciting news (hopefully going to buy my ticket in may!) or plans or anything, but i think that the pre-trip stuff is as important as what you do on the trip itself. all of my feelings, worries and things i am excited about are starting to weave together into the fabric that will form this amazing journey. and sometimes, i just need to rant. so there it was. i know everyone says 'go for it' and 'oh i'm so jealous' when i tell them about this trip, but you can't really accept that until you feel it yourself. i think that this is me, feeling it myself. it's a part of me now. i've gotten over my anxieties for the trip (for today at least) and i am raring to go!
in the wise words of my friend, jess "take it before it's gone", and i intend to do just that.
