today, i had an awesome star wars marathon burrito fest with two of my very close friends. we ate chips, imitated chewbacca (which i am very good at i might add) and reminisced about when two of us were 10 and i was jealous of her plastic lightsaber because when we played star wars, i had to pretend a stick was my lightsaber, while she had the real thing.
you know, classic friend hang out time. it came time to leave and i teared up as we hugged and i half jokingly but actually, tried to convince them to save up and come meet me halfway for an adventure sometime in the next year.
i began the drive home, and the shuffle feature on my ipod was only playing slow, sad songs no matter how many times i clicked 'next'. go figure. i stopped shuffling and let it play out as the ipod gods intended. tears welled up in my eyes as i drove down the country road with lighting and thunder building across the fields. it was very dramatic, and i couldn't help picturing this scene as a movie and wondering how it would look from an outsider looking in.
i braked at an empty four way stop and had a change of heart. why am i crying? here i am, about to start a new chapter of my life in a beautiful country. this is something that i've worked towards for a whole year and now it is finally happening. i should be celebrating and smiling and laughing! although i'm going to be away from all of my family and friends who are such a huge part of my daily life and happiness, (which is definitely what the tears were about at this point!) i am one lucky ducky to have this opportunity. leaving those you love is all a part of the journey, just another part of this experience for me to learn and grow from! i put on some bob, and did a little dance as i sped away, thankful for my new outlook and ability to change my perspective into a positive.
so that's it in a nutshell. i feel kind of silly for getting so sad, but i want to feel all of my emotions about this, it's not healthy to keep your feelings in. it is all part of this experience. so yes, some of the time i am going to feel sad about leaving everyone, but the rest of the time i will feel everything else. excited, nervous, butterflies, anxious, like i want a time machine (to go forwards and backwards!) reflective, open, shy, outgoing, brave, small, sheltered, worldly, and every other emotional synonym and antonym out there! i will feel it all.
i really enjoy writing this blog, i don't even know if anyone reads it besides my mom haha but it really helps me to vent and write all of this stuff down. so if you are reading, thank you! i promise the posts will be a lot less sappy once i get there and get settled! i just have to work through this crazy emotional roller coaster first :) there is a light at the end of this blog and it begins on tuesday august 13th at 3pm in perth wa! (or 3AM on the 13th for my friends in ottawa)
i'm packing on friday, and i'll be sure to document that process on here (pics and list included due to my organized tendencies lol)
goodnight!
s
and a happy happy birthday to my dear friend ness who celebrated on wednesday <3
No comments:
Post a Comment